Memory's Scrapbook

Memo's diary: Wensday dec 30, 2010
I really like the big purple teddy that Justin won for me. I've been thinking about what he's said. He said 'I love you'. And I don't think it's really in a 'I wanna be your friend' kinda way. I've been thinking and..well. I wonder..who do /I/ love? I've been thinking of it, and there's really two people in my life. There's Sidsy, which I do find myself gravitating towards, and there's Justie, whom..well. Justin would be a better match for me, but does he /deserve/ my love? He's done some pretty awful things. And, could I live with that? I'm not sure. And that girl, Juliet. She wants to be a vampire. It's not my place to say anything, but..she hangs all over him, I think he brain-thingied her. She's all over him. If I did fall in love with or something, well..i think she'd knife me. I don't like to be knifed, and..she kinda scares me.

Sidsy is beautiful and wonderful, but she doesn't..seem to want to commit to anything. That kind of scares me. Her ex-fiance calls her things like whore, and while I don't think that is true, she does seem like she could be very flirtatious. I really like her, but I'm not quite sure if it's as a lover, or a sister. I've shown some interest, but I'm not sure what her feelings are. She would die eventually..but, the time we might share together would be very worthwhile for me. However, at the same time I have to ask myself am I being selfish? I won't age..the time is wonderful for me, but would it be for her? Should I push her together with one of her own kind, whether living or shiftie? The question I have to also ask myself is, by the same token of is Justin worthy of me, am I worthy of her? She is in a time of transition, and she needs some support. I'm kind of afraid for her, she's undergoing many changes and if she's not careful she could loose herself. The vampires frighten me terribly, and she's becoming more involved with them every day. Then again…sugar-free chocolate sauce scares me, so I guess I scare easily. Still..the squirts aren't something that I really enjoyed. 4 spoonfulls of that stuff, and your pooping through a straw. Really Hershey's…your mean for putting that stuff out there. Empty calories, or toliet-binding for hours. It's so unfair! Making a girl choose like that.

I'm hiding in my hidey-space right now, it's scary in here a little, but I'm surrounded by people I think I can trust pretty well. They've not let me down before. They at least let me know, you can make someone else's life better, and if you commit yourself to a good course in life, other people will help you along in yours.

Well, this is the Memo, signing out for tonite! Here's one more note for the scrapbook!

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