As the beginning of all people, I was born. October 28th 1991 is the day I took my first breath in Los Angeles, California. It wasn't an eventful day. My parents barely remember it. I am the middle of 3 children. The older of my siblings is the trouble maker. He is always getting into trouble and causing issues with the family. The youngest is the prodigy. She is good at everything she does, music and math alike. I, however, have nothing to the extremes as they do…until I was 14.
As a child, I was a quiet unopposing little person. Nothing would really bug me. If someone picked on me I would walk away. I just didn't really care. If people wanted to be stupid that was up to them. I used to love school though. It gave me time away from my parents. Their constant ignorance of who I was becoming got exhausting. I wanted to go to school and be a Gym Teacher. Yeah, small goal but they have the best job ever! And I wanted the whistle. I never actually went to college though. I ended up just working as an education. What else could I do? I have no money, no support and no one to help. I was an apprentice for a long time with my uncle. Now I know the Mechanic trade and I moved on.
Well, I have always been really good with cars. I can fix most anything you put in front of me and I have a little of my siblings in me. My brother was always rough with me so I learned rather quickly how to punch back. I listened to my sisters flute enough I could accompany her on the piano. She always outshown me but that is alright. She was really good. I practiced on the piano and with fighting and found I appreciate the piano more. So instead I learned to dodge with the fights. I would be able to escape most situations with relative ease and with little pain. I am hiding a big secret. I lied about not being gifted with something.
With my brothers fighting and my sisters flute…I never wanted to mention I was gifted with dance. So since I turned 16 I was working at my uncles garage to get enough money for lessons. I could only go so far alone. I could never invite my family to my recitels or my open houses. I lied to my teachers on why my family never showed up and to my family for where I was going all the time. He just threw me aside with little care. They had bigger fish to fry. With my dance I could express who I was and everything I always held in.
I have never really made friends easily. I am not a very open person and I tend to snip a lot. I think people would say I was a loner. I just never cared to start friendships. With that said I have fallen in love. I was 5 and she was 8. She never noticed me. I think that really messed with me. I have never attempted to be with anyone. There is no point, they will just run when they know what I am.
I'm not a judgmental person. People are just people. No one is more or less based of anything, race, creed, religion, orientation or gender. There is no point in discriminating. I don't know them and until I do I shall dislike dislike them all. They are all in the same book. No one can be trusted. My parents taught me that. I can't trust people because they lock you up cause you're different.
Moral code? Lets just say it's the high side of honorable. If I say I will do something. I do it. No questions. No exceptions. I do not talk behind peoples backs unless I am trying to figure something out. I do not tell secrets. I hear gossip and it makes me bloody cringe. Even when fighting my brother, I never attacked from behind him. I am very strict with myself. I can only be what my word proves I am and I stick to my word.
Mid summer in 2006, my family went camping. It was a stupid small park and they thought it would be a great idea. I went exploring the first day got lost. It was mid-afternoon by the time I found this alcove. I looked around and didn't think anything else was there. I was wrong. Eyes met mine. I won't lie. I did piddle a little. I took a few steps back before running. I didn't get far before claws sunk into my shoulder. I didn't stop fighting. I didn't want to die. I panicked and started screaming.
Less then a minute later I heard people calling out and then the claws were gone. I just lied there. My blue shirt staining. My only thought was that my mother was going to kill me. I ruined my new shirt. I was brought back to the campsite and had two different vacationing doctors look me over. Other then the basic mental trauma there was nothing severely hurt. My parents looked relieved.
We drove home and I was feeling sick. I knew something was wrong. I holed up in my room for the next few days as my fever got worse. My parents told me it was going to pass. My father seemed distant those few days while I was sick. My mother was unusually attentive. I just kept getting worse. Early morning, Jul 10 2006, I shifted for the first time. I was alone in my bed, hungry and afraid. I didn't know what was happening or why. I don't remember what happened but when I woke up my father was standing at the door. Blood was all over my bed. I had eaten a full deer carcass. My parents shunned me. They put locks on my doors and bars on my windows. I started being home schooled in case I changed during the day. My life changed. I was allowed to go to work as they told my boss. He was very nice about it. Caring even. My dance lessons never stopped either. I used to sneak out so I could get to them.
I left home at 18 and walked away. That is where I am now. I am running away from the hate of my family. Their neglect of who I am and denial of me completely. It's not something I like to admit but .. I miss them. I miss my fathers late hours at the office. I miss my mothers constant nagging. A lawyer and house mom. It hurts to know they view me as a monster. I can't ever go home. I am searching for purpose and a reason to exist. I don't know how I feel about much anymore. I hope to develope more abilities to figure things out. I am part human so I need to embrace that part of me. Like the one that changed me…Humans are friends not our food. Maybe an occasional scratching post but never severely.
When I first changed, I hated what I was. It was amazing how much more someone could become a freak. I am already a freak. Like I need this. I was frustrated and pissed off. Now I just attempt to live my life and pretend that side of me doesn't exist. I have never met another one like me. Sometimes I wonder if I am alone but then I realize I am not, I just can't find them. I search for those people. Maybe they will understand how I feel. I feel like the beast inside is my expression as much as my dance is. I want to learn more and see what's out there for me. Maybe I can ignore this beast inside of me but the logic part of my brain things that isn't possible. This is how I am. Live with it and deal with it or die.
Starting out in Windy City was rough. First Leopard I met was Matt. While we got off to a rocky start…read: he smashed my head into concrete cause I refused to meet the then Nimir-Raj Christian. Totally understandable! So I woke up and low and behold DeeDee was there. She felt a lot like my mom so I was instantly comforted. I was welcomed into the Pard and things started looking up! I met a lot of the pard. Jeremy, Lucas, Crystal, Ahikam… they were all really nice. However, I wasn't very good at being a leopard so I needed a trainer. DeeDee put me in Matt's care. Less then a day later, he abandoned the Pard because I reminded him off all the weak ones there and he didn't want to train me. That hurt. I saught him out to get an answer for which he at least explained to me after some time.
Not so soon after I meet Zack and Rachel. They become my best friends almost instantly. I trust them both with my life.
Suddenly, Christian up and left leaving momma DeeDee to take care of the Pard. It was hard going… A lot of leopards came and went and I was delivered into the hands of Hayden. She knew what I needed at the time. Then Keith came into my life. Brother of infection. We slowly start building our relationship. Zack and I get a lot closer. He tells me he's with [[Edieron]]] which makes my heart burst in two ways. I am told by DeeDee that I need to be sexually trained. It's terrifying! I am not ready at all. I pray for an answer and Forest shows up! I am put in his capable hands. DeeDee up and leaves to find the missing Christian and I go bonkers. Literally. Hayden almost kills me because of my horrible attitude towards the arrangement her and Anabel have. Being Pomme's of a Master Vampire who can call Leopards! I don't think it's such a great idea to be in charge and also have someone be controlling you. Hayden does not share my ideas. My brain shuts down and the only one who can save me is Ayden a vampire I've known a while who wanted me as a Pomme but Hayden wouldn't allow that. Another reason I got so mad. All through this Forest stuck by my side.
So Ayden fixed my brain and I was better. Temper and everything. I started learning pard rules and stress training. Then pleasure training. Wow that was embarrassing… Then [[Bo]] came along and took over the Pard at Hayden's request. That was okay for a while. A lot of Leopards came a went. Then Bo disappeared too. So did a lot of the Pard. Everyone was gone except Forest, Jeremy, Keith and Sable. With just us we tried to keep going.
I fell in love with Forest and the world aligned for me. He took Nimir-Raj with no questions ask and now we rebuild.
Just a few months later and Zachary was infected through my blood. It hurts to know I infected my best friend. He was accepted into the Pard and a relationship with Forest and I both. We loved him and he fit right in.
After a few events, I left the Pard and my supposed mates. One having said I cheated and the other uncomfortable with me. So where am I now… close to dying actually. Do I care. Not anymore. With that… Lenore and Jacobi took it upon themselves to kill me. Lovely. Shows what family means to them.
